Orji Uzo Kalu Finds Out The Shape Of Water: It’s 12 Years In Jail

Lagos High Court Convicts Orji Uzo Kalu on charges that he helped himself to 7.1 b Naira while he was governor of Abia state ,South East Nigeria. Mr Kalu will spend the next 12 years in prison. Nigeria media reported Thursday morning. 
Mr Kalu is a serving senator and a member of the ruling party which is why the news is as telling as it does. There are other reasons though. 
As always, we shall experiment with a few conspiracy theories if only to give a few nuances to  the conviction.

You see, Mr Buhari doesn’t jail men and women from his party. At least not for that long period.  The last time he jailed people forever was when he was a military dictator.
There are signs that he is reverting to type. But now, to the theories. 
And in doing so, we chose the title of a 2017 movie, “The Shape of Water”

The story is about Elisa, female, and lonely,who stumbles on a strange amphibious creature and develops a relationship with it. 
We shall connect the dots shortly. 

Below is the first theory and it goes thusly: Even though president Buhari has “denied” it, the rumours that he’d seek an illegal third term has not died. What more, Adams Oshiomole, embattled chairman ( as they say in Nigeria) of the APC “distances himself from 2023 presidential posters in circulation”. Nigeria’s media reported Wednesday. 
Now wait for this:
Two days ago, former governor of Lagos state, Bola Tinubu said that
Orji Uzo Kalu has what it takes to lead Nigeria to greater heights”.
 Mr Tinubu is rumoured to also nurse  a bid for the presidency . The fomular is that they split: by this, we mean that if the South East gets the nod, it will be Mr Kalu and should the South West do, Tinubu gets happy. Nice and tidy, huh? 

And so, even as the minders of the government will like to boast that nobody is above the law, a pattern is being set here. Some say a warning. 
Could it just be a coincidence that Mr Oshiomole has to deny any ambition in the media, Tinubu endorsed Kalu and the last ended up in prison two days later? Perhaps. But perhaps not.
Let’s also remember that these are theories. Conspiratorial, but theories all the same. 
You see, Mr Oshiomole once said that when you move over to the APC, “your sin shall be forgiven“. At the time, he could spit on Mr Buhari’s face and get away with it. The real interests in the party only wanted a re-election.  And so, Mr Kalu and Goodwill Akpabio, fleeing from the EFCC, took refuge in the APC. One managed to get to the senate and the other, a minister. Orji Uzo Kalu threatened to jail former president Olusegun Obasanjo .
A whole raft of PDP  who has corruption case fled to the APC. They befriended former bitter enemies.  
When Mr Kalu made it to the senate and the party still lost the state, I wrote that after a favourable judgement from the supreme court, the system will take care of him. 
Will the system also take care of Ameachi, Tinubu, Oshiomole, etc now that they are no longer needed? As our theory goes, the answer is yes. 
Has Orji Uzo Kalu just found the shape of water. 

Plato’s idea that in its purest form, water takes the shape of an icosahedron, a 20-sided polyhedron, evoking the idea that beauty,evil  and humanity, has many faces.
In the run up to the elections the shape of water was beautiful. Today it is a prison. 
One last theory: Some say that Mr Kalu’s tribe, Ibos, is being punished for not voting for Mr Buhari. They also point to the current trials of Allen Oyeama, CEO of Air Peace, who is facing criminal charges in America.  The idea is Bio being systematically targeted. 
Should we choose which is more plausible theory, we will pick the shape of water.  For it has many faces.

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